He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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