You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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