Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Alive.
So much puke
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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