mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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