Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

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(212): View more from New York

Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.

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(573): View more from Missouri

ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.

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(212): View more from New York

Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.

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(347): View more from New York

Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?

(1-347): View more from New York

Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.

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