All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
