Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
