I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
