I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
