Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
