have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
