The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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