I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
