it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
