you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
