Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
