i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize