It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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