Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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