We won't sleep together?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
