Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it hurts more in the daytime
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
