All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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