Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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