Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
