I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
