at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
this is an emotional support booty call
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
