just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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