And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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