Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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