there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she peed on how many people?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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