I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
