I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
