miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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