Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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