i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
You were trust falling into bushes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.