Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
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where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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