It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
