the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
