she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
