someone threw a dead crab at me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
