i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
