WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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