they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
