So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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