I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize