we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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