WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Your topless pictures make me question reality
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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