Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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