1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize