That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
