successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
