I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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