Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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