Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
