look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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