you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
