she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
