I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
