im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
