I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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