I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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