I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
