what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
