I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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