how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You pole danced in your parka.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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