I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
