how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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