my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
